Wednesday, August 24, 2011


Married to a Lunatic Look

Well if you ask me there were far too many GOLDEN HANDSHAKES goin' on at DMV these past years.  You know the routine, get the top of the step union people with the fat checks out, along with their burnt out attitudes which made them so easy to talk to on an almost human level...

Divorced from a Lunatic Look

I had driven the 50 miles  (yes folks, one way) to have my license renewed.  I should, at this point interject that I drive this far as it is the least busiest motor vehicle department in the state.  At 8 AM the parking lot was empty, which should have been a clue.  But no.  I had to park, march up to the door to find a sign announcing "CLOSED.  NEW HOURS NO LONGER INCLUDE WEDNESDAYS."    Wonderful, did anyone think to up-date the WEBSITE?  Nah.

Arrived at 8:15 AM the next morning to find at least 150 vehicles in the lot.  Joy just seems to follow me wherever I go these days.  More like clings to my butt for dear life.   Once inside, the normally non-existent line announcing RENEWALS ONLY was a good fifty people long.  People already looking tired and cranky, looking well, sort of postal.....

I got in line with my little leather envelope of paperwork when a collective groan crawled through the line and made it's way to my 'only had one coffee' consciousness.  An announcement had been made from behind the counter serving my line.  When it got to me I was advised by the worn out elderly woman in front of me that the laminator machine was broken and it 'would be a while.'

Another form of excitement was going on in the large part of the waiting area for registrations.  The part where you take a deli number, usually in the 300's, and discover your number is in the 700's.    A slightly hysterical motor vehicle employee was saying in a loud tone, obviously to ward off a few hundred inquiries, "I DON'T KNOW WHATS GOING ON. HOW WOULD I KNOW????"  Evidently there is one switch to unlock all the cash drawers, and said switch was malfunctioning.  My line heaved a heavy sigh of relief.  As long as they could take our money we would walk out of the place before the week-end. 

Like the Lorrie Morgan song says....
I'm Back Among The Living Again.....

It took a while, but the laminator machine was repaired and my line began moving, people getting pictures taken, names called to come and get the new license.  My turn.  "Sit in chair TWO please," says a little girl who should be in grade school.  I smiled and said, "OK, I'm old, give me a second to rearrange the wrinkles please...."    Before I had gotten halfway through my request I was hearing the snap of the camera lens and hearing, "Go take a seat and wait for your name to be called; NEXT."    That sick feeling was already a full blown acid bomb in the pit of my stomach as I began to imagine the movie star mug shots seen the the supermarket tabloids at the check out lines.

And soooooo, as my sister used to say, it was without trepidation I posted those past years photos, because the BLUE DRESS makes up for them all!


  1. hey, girl!. where have u been, dmv has shortened hours, days... i am surprised your notice didn't tell u to get an appointment!. our dmv works pretty well... even tho the employees are a bunch of arrogant, ignorant azzes..

  2. That's just the way it is when you live in a Third World country. Oh, wait: we don't, do we? Or do we?? Great story, even if a little bit sad.

  3. Why is it that DMV's in every state are like this? Is there a special DMV club and they all get a newsletter on the fine art of inefficiency?

    I enjoyed your tale....and pictures.

  4. Glad you survived.

    Our rural local office is open like a few hours two days a week--and I have driven there on a closed day as well. Yuck.

    @ Slam -- Having a to-do with the 'rubber-bullet' proponants on thie above.... help! Commented "Yah can't respond to a gundn fight with a knife....." EEK !

  6. I just recently had to renew my license. I had to bring in my SS card, proof of my address, my birth certificate... fortunately they didn't ask me for a note from my mother.

    The process only took me a few minutes, though. They snapped the picture and told me I would receive my plastic Oregon DL in the mail.

    About a week later I received it, but there must have been a mix-up... there was a picture of some old guy I didn't recognize on my license.

  7. Oh THAT is precious! Of course here they wouldn't THINK of admitting to a mistake, you'd be accused of wearing a James Bond Disguise......