Sunday, December 12, 2010

Если я Был Переплетен На Необитаемом острове...


 If I Were Stranded On A Desert Island...

These are the things I simply could not live without.  

I am giving the Desert Island a bit more than a nod due to the down right nasty  inclement weather we are experiencing today.  I walked out of the house this morning, put my  (luckily flat-soled, UGGS shod)  foot down on the pavement, and was instantly  skating.

The world was clad in an inch of solid ice. The other foot had not caught up and remained outstretched behind me.  After a perfectly executed triple selcow I crashed into the hood of my car.  On the other side of the driveway.   Ever so slightly downhill from the steps I had left mere moments ago.  While rain dripped off the hood of my  parka, I tried to do the  Inch-Back-Up-The-Ice  dance. You know the one. Under no circumstances attempt to remove either one of your feet -  no matter how much trust you have in them as individuals -   from Mother Earth, or your back end will be the victim of gravity, and with such velocity you will be regretting lifting that darn foot for days. 

A few hours little while later, after safely negotiating the traverse, I was sitting in the living room watching the news, when my peripheral vision caught a swift movement outside the window.  It was another HUMAN VS. ICE battle. 

Evidently what had caught my eye was a person -   must have trusted a foot without looking beneath it - who had done a butt-plant-slide   (awarding a 10 for speed, as I did not witness the slide itself)  across the sidewalk, over the little grassy meridian, and was stopped about two feet into the street, where the road treatment the night before had actually worked.   

I grabbed my coffee and raced out to the front porch.  You just knew this was going to be great! a difficult return to the steps.   After nearly a half an hour of struggling to get up, the woman gave up, remained on her hands and knees, and did a combo of inching forward-sliding back until she was near her front steps. I feel justified (since I had indeed just suffered the same fate) in confessing I was in silent hysterics.  Instead of skating she was doing the balance beam.  My eyes teared up and I needed a Kleenex.  Just when I thought the show was over the woman's husband emerged from the house, carefully edged his way to the corner of the porch, and said to his wife, who was within inches of her goal, still on all fours, " We're born naked and hungry, and then it gets worse."    

Thought I'd die, I was wheezing, I slumped in my lawn chair doubled over waiting for her less than cataclysmic reply,   "Shut-Up and throw me a rope Einstein." 

Simply precious.  I imagine someone else had a great guffaw at my admittedly more graceful adventure as well, at least I hope so, an escapade like that is a terrible thing to waste, ahem....

Hence today's Desert Island Dream.  

CALGON Take Me Away,   Please?

Well, apparently my computer is not totally repaired.  It does not want to read my SD card therefore my list will have to suffice.

Things I need for my grass hut...

My glasses, with gradient lenses.
My reading glasses, due to unfortunately reaching that 'certain age.'

Because someday I fully intend to set foot on Russian soil, the most horrific, tragic, yet beautiful love story through letters to each other,
A Lifelong Passion, Nicholas & Alexandra - Their Own Story  Letters edited by Andrei Maylunas and Sergei Mironenko

Spanning the past two hundred years of Russian history, Echoes Of A Native Land by Sergi Schemann

 And because every time I read these I discover something new about my own mind,
The Griffin and Sabine series by Nick Bantock
Hippolyte's Island  by Barbara Hodgson

In case I discover something, I will need to know that those who have gone before have not laid eyes on whatever it is, aside from never tiring of this book,  The Origin of The Species by Charles Darwin.

My solar electronic device charger with every adaptor known to man, for the new E-Reader my kids are going halves on and buying me for Christmas ( with an extra large storage card, yippeee!). 

 But I don't know that...   No, I wasn't eaves-dropping.  I will be a mother my entire life, much to my chagrin, even though my 'kids' are grown.  It still gives me the chills when I hear whispering.  In fact it makes me downright nervous.  Especially when I know they are conspiring talking to each other.  I merely made popcorn.  In the kitchen.  Just outside my son's bedroom door.  After he told me he was calling his sister and asked me not to bother him, just before he shut his door.    It was then he began to whisper.

Oh, and a case of the Russian red wine introduced to me by friends associated with the AMERICAN FRIENDS OF RUSSIAN GEORGIA charitable organization. And one wineglass.

To quote Naven,   "And that's all I need!"


  1. Oh, this is perfectly delicious! I too was laughing at the antics of the Ice Capades through your description. While sitting here drinking my dark red wine, thinking of you...

  2. Ah, yes...we are very familiar with those ice dancing moves up here in Newfoundland. It's all fun and games until someone cracks their noggin on the sidewalk.

  3. Oh how I simply adore dark red wine, and Neil Diamond... :}

    I did have my phone handy Alan, though I'm not entirely sure I would have been understood should the poor thing have been injured. The kicker to the whole thing is the house next door is a Family Counseling Service, The 'counselors' - probably in their fifties - are married and live on the second floor. I was howling for hours after the incident, somehow I kept imagining the husband telling his wife "Don't go out there," then sitting back watching his wife's Olympic trials.... I know I'm sick.... :O

  4. I take spills like that all the time even when there is no ice. Makes it difficult to believe my name Ann means "grace". Sounds like you were successful in your battle of the elements.

  5. Glad you survived your brush with nature. Several years ago a detective friend of mine did the ice dance and lost--a laptop also suffered destruction from his humiliation.

  6. The moss and scum that build up on our pavement from rotting leaves and such in our incredibly we climate are more dangerous than the ice... you don't expect it and the next thing you know you're on your ass.

  7. Slam - Oh how we simply adored it when one of our beloved Lt.s returned from a long injury, he had fallen UP the back stairs coming into work...

    Robert - My daughter was attacked by the slimy leaf pile one year, it will remain one of the greatesr 'remember when...' moments! She was in her twenties, slid into the indentation in the lawn the leaves had filled in, the slimiest rimmed the edge and the bottom of the hole. We had been leaving the house toether when suddenly she disappeared. "Hullo?" Not a sound. Then the leaf pile started rustling like something was in there attacking her. Just took her a while to get her bearings before she panicked...When she finally crawled out her hair was typically - after an 'incident' - standing on end. She shook some leaves off, and said, "Oh crap, well then, shall we go?" And as she wandered off towards the car little leaves were falling off her clothing. Took me ten minutes to get un-doubled over to get to the car. Darn slimey leaves... : }

  8. This post was funny. I can just picture that scene! But, poor you and that poor woman.

    The last time I slipped and fell on ice was in Zurich, Switzerland, in 1969. A handsome man came by and pulled me up. Very nice memory!

  9. I can't find any way to get ahold of you directly, although I have a faint recollection that we had an email exchange. I can't find it, only your Entre Nous blog address, and I just wanted to tell you that I've looked online at Zero and can't WAIT to start reading it!

    You have MY address on my profile page, if you want to tell me again who you are. Forgive my spaciness if I already am supposed to know. :-)

  10. Great Post!
    You've now got me thinking about what I want to have with me. Isn't it funny that in today's world a "solar electronic charging device" is one of the items? I think my main item would have to be a barrel of sunblock and a good hat...

  11. Pat - Sunblock was originally on the list, but I couldn't imagine rowing a thousand miles to buy more at a drugstore so I left it off!